in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
this will be a night to untag.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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