o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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