stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
