Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
