So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
