dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
