You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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