i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
jump out the window naked night went bad
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