Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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