Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
