Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
