Don't you send me to vm
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
