i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
