u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
