AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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