I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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