If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
