Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
