P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
