i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
