this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We are two peas in an std pod
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
