The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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