good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
