my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
