would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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