God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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