So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
