but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
