I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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