Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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