they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
