i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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