the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
