I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
