I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
