haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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