Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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