dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
