1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
