brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is Oprah even human
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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