sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
