Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
