not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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