It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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