You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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