I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
