Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
