and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
