Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Randomize
