I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
