hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
